Can you not see?
I do not do what you do. I sit, poised, ready to mystify, but after all I am thinking. Can you not see that I am not of that breed? I am not such a creature. I am a chameleon. And an extremely good one. I have you fooled. And him. Everyone is partaking in this great and wonderous farce. And after all, what am I really?
I am a thinker.
That has been my lot in life. I say it with contempt as my lip curls up and I feel, ironically, I feel from my heart, sadness and longing for something I can never have. I'll never have it, Moon. I'll gaze up at you in wonder and watch a connection unfold between the two of you that I will never be a part of and I shall keep my fingers crossed that my thinking, cloaked in feeling will continue to appeal to him as I do everything in my power to convince him I feel as he does. As you do.
I am crying so bitterly at the thought of missing this boat. I want passage on it so badly. But like the thinker in me, the fighter persists as I shove on my smile and thrust my hand up in fond farewell.
I am a thinker.
That has been my lot in life. I say it with contempt as my lip curls up and I feel, ironically, I feel from my heart, sadness and longing for something I can never have. I'll never have it, Moon. I'll gaze up at you in wonder and watch a connection unfold between the two of you that I will never be a part of and I shall keep my fingers crossed that my thinking, cloaked in feeling will continue to appeal to him as I do everything in my power to convince him I feel as he does. As you do.
I am crying so bitterly at the thought of missing this boat. I want passage on it so badly. But like the thinker in me, the fighter persists as I shove on my smile and thrust my hand up in fond farewell.
posted by Papermoon, Cardboard Sky at 10/10/2004 01:39:00 PM
1 Comments:
I can't help but relate to your words. You too, write wonderfully. I feel like I'm looking through a window that opens to the dreams and the thoughts of someone, someone that is actually living and breathing somewhere, someone I will never meet. It's like meeting a character of a novel, because except for this shadow you cast formed with words, I have no other proof of your existence.
Still, since you are a human being, I know we are made from the same water and the same star dust. The same mysterious power that make our hearts beat.
So a part of me was touched by your words. Because without knowing why, I feel they could have come through my own mind.
What are you longing for, Papermoon?
Is it that flame that makes you not just watch and think, but live, too?
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