Whencesoever

Damn these knees. I strain so hard for benevolence in my pleading... So many times I have wrenched you violently out and hurled you to the floor like an offensive rag doll. Can you not hear me screaming across five thousand miles? Is this not loud enough for you? This... this... this isn't enough, what we have here. I need more. I need it from you. I need it now. I KNOW my weaknesses. I SEE where this hurt comes from, but damn you for letting me face it alone. Don't give me your ethereal babbling, give me flesh, eyes, hands. You walk at your own pace as I constantly run to catch up. You don't see how out of breath I am, only that I am there. All your faith in the world means nothing without your presence. Yes, that's right. Without your presence, you are nonexistent. You are a persona. Trapped in a monitor. I am bitter. Do you hear? I am so very bitter. I look to myself and ask if I would do this to someone. You know my answer. The fear I experience in every minute feeds into my desire to keep you from ever feeling this way. If you knew... oh, if you only knew... You would be here now. You would fly swiftly and close the gap, bringing your presence into my world, smothering me, encompassing me with what I need from you. The longer you stay away, the more I move away from you. The harder my life becomes, the more it is your fault. Yes, I am a victim in this moment. And like a victim, I lash out at you until you are bleeding more then I am as I turn away from love and embrace fear. I am full on barking like a rabid dog now. Whencesoever you are in my thoughts this is the sound that shall greet you until you return.