Contemplating

I'm contemplating settling for something more ordinary, something green behind the ears, something that would be overwhelmed by me, sucked dry eventually and cast aside despite who's prompting launches that ship.

I set a few rules and broke them not long after. There is a reason age gaps are unusual in lovers. Being in a different place in life sets me apart from someone who is ten years younger or ten years older. Am I so desparate to be loved that I'll allow such into my life, knowing that it wasn't meant to be, knowing it doesn't quite fit? Knowing that this wasn't the whirl wind that must ensue in order to call to my heart?

I'm being tracked by spurned lovers. Lovers who have left me, but do not wish to be gotten over. As passionately as I love, I also can despise as mightily as imaginable. If I were smart, I'd switch this glowing box off and stay away from it for months and months on end. But alas, I have never claimed to be smart...